I wanted to finish my previous post, but I started it a few days ago and I realized I want to talk about New Years. I don't usually have any particular feelings towards this holiday. I'm not big on making resolutions; people rarely keep them. However, this year more than ever before, I really like the idea of a new beginning. A fresh start. A new year, full of hope of what could be.
This is probably because this has been a theme in my life over the last year; all things new. I really believe God makes all things new, and this year really feels that way. A gift of a new start. I can't remember ever feeling any different on new years. Kind of like how everyone always asks you if you feel older on your birthday and the answer is always no. This year feels more real, more vivid. I feel more alive. In fact, I think that's it. I feel alive. I feel as though I've awoken from sleep. Not a nightmare, not really a dream, but not reality either. This is my life. And I love it. I love where God has me. I'm so thankful to begin a new year this way. I have my family and I have my new family. I have my friends and my community. I am living out my dreams, as a friend recently pointed out to me. It took so long, and happened slowly, but she's right. This is what I had sat in the car and shared out of my heart about to her and her husband. Probably over two years ago...and now it's here.
It's real. God has actually brought me where He said He would. He brought alive the dreams He gave me. I know that shouldn't surprise me, but it still brings me to tears. I almost lost them, but He didn't let that happen. He has made all things new, and I know He'll keep going.
So happy new year. A year filled with possibilities, with dreams and with hope. Probably filled with trials and hard times and tears, but there will be joy. Oh, but there will be joy.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Ranomness
I'm in a blogging mood, so it's really unfortunate that I'm at work. Maybe I'll throw in a few thoughts while I'm on hold for phone calls, or over my lunch break while I'm working with tech support to get my laptop working. Yes kids, I'm frustrated with my PC. You may be close to turning me except that I can't afford to get a mac right now.
I feel like I've had so many thoughts running around in my head lately. I haven't really had/taken the time to process through all of them. I don't really think this would be the best medium for that, so I should probably start journaling again. As much as I'm sure you all love to read about my every thought, they aren't all ones I want to post on the internet for the world to see.
Speaking of worlds, I can feel mine shifting again. Sometimes I feel like I'm in Chicago again; the way my heart and spirit feel. My life is not much like that time period on the outside. I'm working a full-time desk job. I'm thankful for it, or I know I should be so it's more of an acknowledgement than a feeling, but I want work I enjoy. I think that makes me a product of our generation. Where generations past just stuck with whatever job was stable and provided for their needs, ours feels entitled to something that fulfills us. I'm not sure if there's anything wrong with that, it's just different and lends to its own set of problems. Or maybe it is. Maybe we're catering to the whims of our desires, seeking satisfaction in something that was never meant to satisfy.
Either way, God can still move. If we have a job we enjoy, or one that we are just thankful to have, that can't stop Him. So, I suppose in the light of eternity, does it matter if I have a job that fulfills me? After all, it's not about me. I just want to be in a job where I feel I'm doing the most I can to bring Isaiah 61 to reality in the lives of others. God, please let it come soon.
I feel like I've had so many thoughts running around in my head lately. I haven't really had/taken the time to process through all of them. I don't really think this would be the best medium for that, so I should probably start journaling again. As much as I'm sure you all love to read about my every thought, they aren't all ones I want to post on the internet for the world to see.
Speaking of worlds, I can feel mine shifting again. Sometimes I feel like I'm in Chicago again; the way my heart and spirit feel. My life is not much like that time period on the outside. I'm working a full-time desk job. I'm thankful for it, or I know I should be so it's more of an acknowledgement than a feeling, but I want work I enjoy. I think that makes me a product of our generation. Where generations past just stuck with whatever job was stable and provided for their needs, ours feels entitled to something that fulfills us. I'm not sure if there's anything wrong with that, it's just different and lends to its own set of problems. Or maybe it is. Maybe we're catering to the whims of our desires, seeking satisfaction in something that was never meant to satisfy.
Either way, God can still move. If we have a job we enjoy, or one that we are just thankful to have, that can't stop Him. So, I suppose in the light of eternity, does it matter if I have a job that fulfills me? After all, it's not about me. I just want to be in a job where I feel I'm doing the most I can to bring Isaiah 61 to reality in the lives of others. God, please let it come soon.
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