Love letters

Now before you get too excited about the title, I mean love letters from God. I have some time over my lunch break and I decided I wanted to post. If I only write when I feel super inspired then I may not get in the habit of actually doing it, but I am always thinking, so here goes. :)

God has been really wonderful recently. Not that He isn't normally, but lately I've been blown away by how He's been showing me His love. I don't deserve it. Although, that sentiment is part of the problem I think. I know theologically we don't deserve His love and grace, none of us ever can, but recently God has been showing me that I've taken that too far. I've been surprised when He's done something loving, and then I feel bad that I've been surprised. I know God answers prayer, I've seen it, and I've experienced Him being real in my life. So why should I be surprised when He answers my prayers? Why should I be surprised when He comes through and why in the world do I deserve for Him to prove Himself to me?? I don't really. He's God and I'm just a girl. But that's the thing. He has reminded me that His love for me, for us, is that big that He laid down His right to not have to prove Himself because He is God and chose to show me love in a way I can understand it. In a way my desperate heart needs. God loves me so much that He's choosing to prove His love to me. I think He wants me to believe that I deserve to be loved like that because He says that I do.

That changes everything. I want to believe it. I believe it for you, and I want to know it deep down in my soul for me too.

He's been answering my prayers in a way I've never seen before. He's been meeting my needs before I even realized they were there, and most of all He's making sure that my heart stays alive. Sometimes being alive hurts, ok, a lot of the time...maybe most, but I believe it's always worth it. One of my friends referenced Frederick Buechner recently and said that we should listen to our tears because they are often our heart's way of trying to tell us something; a way to listen to our life. Well, I find great comfort in that because I find those tears often these days. Don't worry about me. It's just my heart trying to tell me something, or my Life. I've been hearing a lot recently. It's been hard. But being alive is so good. Just like the Velveteen Rabbit, when you are real you don't mind being hurt:

"It doesn't happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."